May 04, 2008
I guess it's time for some wenis talk again. Yes, indeed.We all have a wenis. In fact, most of us have two. The plural of wenis is weni (wee-nye). They are funny looking things that just sort of hang around looking pucker-ish.
Modern masters of the English tongue (also called cunning linguists - thank you hissandtell for that stunning definition) have actually started accepting the term "wenis" to describe that flappy skin that hangs off your elbow.
Wenis......
Why am I addressing the whole wenis thing right now? Why? Because my left wenis is cracked and sore. The area immediately surrounding my left wenis is bruised and abraded (neener). I must have smacked into something pretty hard because my left wenis is now quite compromised. It burns and stings every time I try to move it.
When I discovered this wenis injury yesterday, I opted for the first normal course of first aid. I spit on my wenis. Now, I had to spit on my fingers and rub my saliva on the wenis, since I am not lithe (neener) enough to put my wenis into my own mouth. There are a few people out there who claim they can suck their own wenis, but I think they are lying.
Saliva just didn't work well. So I tried lotion. All I managed to do was make my wenis burn with a fury. Must have been the scent or the artificial coloring, etc. YOW!
My next course of action was to apply Johnson & Johnson first aid cream. The damn stuff expired in 2005 but I thought it might have retained some healing properties. I don't think it really did much to help heal my wenis, but at least it's softer and more floppy now. It's less intense and hasn't demanded my attention for a few hours now.
But, methinks I need to go to the store and buy something better for my wenis. Perhaps a strong cortisone cream will help. Maybe some Neosporin too. Heaven forbid my wenis should become infected. I really hate to bandage my wenis and call attention to it from those passing by. I can hear their comments now.
"Hey! Wenis injury, huh?"
"I hurt my wenis once. Couldn't use it for days! Drove me nuts!"
"Hey! Don't bandage your wenis! It needs AIR!"
Before you know it, everyone will be running around pretending to be a wenis expert. I'll be subjected to wenis injury war stories and all that one-upping that happens every time the subject is broached (neener).
I'm at a loss. Any ideas?
